i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
