How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
