shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
