Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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