i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will pee on everything he values.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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