Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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