Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize