I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
