There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
