i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
