I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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