Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
