Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
