tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
