dude i'm inner monologue high
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
