Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
