I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
not ubering you a puppy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
