24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
