who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
