And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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