Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
