if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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