She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
