ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
