That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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