White coat. Heels.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
