I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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