Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
