I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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