I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
