My hand turned me down
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
