At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
