At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
