he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
