the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
