Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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