but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
