she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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