every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
