Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
