I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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