i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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