sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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