Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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