Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
