I will die if light touches me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
