He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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