im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
