i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
