i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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