Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
