Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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