be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
