Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
