There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize