His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
