Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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