Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
