We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
