Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
