mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
high people should be assigned attendants
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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