Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
