You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
