dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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