I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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