Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
