I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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