i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
