Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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