There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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