he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
